I have often heard, “Wow, your kids are so good in church!”
While I am usually surprised to hear this, it does give me a moment to reflect
on our intentional parenting during a church service. All parents of children
in church are doing so much more than simply enjoying worship. It is a very
public and stressful event for families to teach young children to sit quietly.
Sometimes, parents are so mortified and exhausted with their own children,
going to church becomes not worth the fight. I know there are many theories on
how to make it through church… but here is our family’s take.
1. Be Part of the Family
Some of us have not been blessed with blood relatives at
church. I remember the tearful first months at Holy Trinity in GA with two
small children as “single mom” in the pew. There was no help, no break, no
chance at hearing the Gospel, why did I even go? The church family there
quickly learned to love our family, sat with the 4 year old while the 18mo.
baby cried, held Karra’s hand going up to communion, offered a shoulder for a
sleepy Julianna. We made it because of them.
2. Practice, Practice!
In all walks of childhood, children learn to love what they
know. Lots of church is better! There are little opportunities for kids to
practice what we do in church: standing, sitting, singing, listening, and
reading. They will not do this naturally, it takes a lifetime to grow into the
faith we’ve been given. But, at the same time, it would be a shame to water
down or take away the great gifts God gives his whole church. Small Christians
belong in church receiving the Word right alongside their seasoned Christian
mentors.
3. Be Realistic
Children are not adults. They learn and grow and change.
Love them during this! Our family's expectations follow these general lines:
- Baby: Keep them asleep as long as possible! However the baby is most comfortable (car seat, blanket, pacifier, whatever) DO THAT.
- Walking/Talking stage: Their little minds do not reason, they just need to be contained. They begin to see the patterns of church, imitate singing, and maybe even hold a book. Encourage this. But their attention span is tiny. Bring lots of quiet activities, snacks, and be ready to go to the cry room when they become distracting to others. This age is very exhausting for parents. This is when THEY need the most support!
- Beginning to Read: They can follow along in the hymnal and readings. Have someone help them follow with a finger. Their attention is still short so we allow them to color or do something quietly during the sermon. They often can’t quite make it without squirming by the end of the service.
- Confirmation age: If they are in confirmation, they are expected to listen to the sermon. No sleeping or coloring. They are obviously old enough to participate in the whole service and mature enough to endure to the end. Congratulations parents! You made it!
4. Love the gifts of Christ
Kids learn from their parents. If you are actively seeking
God’s Word in Bible Study and church, they will too. If you can’t live without
the Lord’s Supper, they will passionately desire it too.
“Train up a child
in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.”
Proverbs 22:6
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